Creative Writing

  • Remember?! (Part 1)

    It is a beautiful early summer morning on a Maple tree covered cemetery and the lake morning sun streaming partially through the leaves. The winds were calm with just enough movement to make the light twinkle through the leaves. Amongst the tombstones, there is a body lying as motionless and at peace as those in the soil a mere few centimetres below. Then Fred awakens, as he rises the reality of the situation hits him like a cement truck. He is feeling envious that the souls below don’t have to suffer the terrible feeling from the over-exuberance of the night before that he has forgotten.

    It was quite obvious that he had been drinking and he was missing pieces of clothing like his left sock, it was nowhere to be found. Fred had woken up hugging a small headstone.

    Fred is stunned as he realizes where he is this time as he sees a group of headstones before seeing the with “Fred Useless” engraved. Fred exclaims “Damn… Not again… Damn!”

    Fred rises to his feet and staggers holding his head while entering a pathway noticing Phil lying hunched over a tree with a few beer bottles around him.

    “Phil? Is that you, man?”, shouted Fred. “Phil, dude, wake up.”

    Fred hoping that Phil is still alive; kicks Phil’s leg. (Several times) Phil awakens with some disorientation as he suffers from a nasty hangover, and really pissed off that someone, not just woke him up but made his body suffer blows of unexpected pain by kicking him.

    “What a night…” squeaked Phil as he stretched and welcomed the morning light. Phil can barely see Fred standing over him as the sun irritates his eyes. “Oh, hey Fred. How the night treat you?” Phil rises to his feet as Fred pokes fun at Phil’s physical state.

    “Apparently, not as good as yours.”, replied Fred

    Phil suggests that they go get breakfast and Fred agrees. Phil gets up and starts to walk away with Fred but stops when they hear a voice in the woods.

    “Phil!?”, a mysterious long and very sweet sounding voice bellows.

    “Oh, Wait one second.”, says Phil. Phil runs back and finds Bekka (Looks perfect) from hiding behind the tree.

    “I’m sorry I forgot you.”, apologized Phil.

    “It’s ok, but I’m hungry.”, Bekka replied.

    “That’s ok sweaty, Fred just stopped by to bring us for breakfast.”, explained Phil.

    “You’re the best!”, Bekka replied, followed with a passionate kiss that made Phil really happy.

    Fred rolled his eyes and wanted to puke a little bit, and not just from the hangover.

    The three of them start waking out of the woods.

    “Out drinking alone, eh?”, Fred asks Phil. Since remembering that Phil had blown him off last night that he was going to have a quiet night at home with his bottle of scotch.

    “That was the plan…”, says Phil as he looks into Bekka’s eyes and then Phil kisses Bekka as they are all walking out of the woods.

    Fred is scratching his head and thinks as aloud, “I think I am forgetting something important?”

    Back at the “Fred Useless” headstone, it stands bare as Rita’s head appears

    from behind it, her hair is in complete disarray, makeup smeared and clothes loose-fitting and unfashionable.

    “Mmm… Fred”, Rita says in confusion. Rita notices the headstone and jumps away startled. “What the hell? Fred!” Rita wonders aimlessly. Hoping desperately that she is not alone, she continues to shout, “Fred! Fred!”

    This effort is to be in vain as yes indeed Rita is alone.

    (More to come in Part 2)

    The preceding is an adaptation of a screenplay for a short film of the same name, portions of this story were enhanced with suggestions from Tony Tompkins. It has been formatted from the original to fit the blog format.

  • The Books that Bite and Sting

    The Books that Bite and Sting

    Franz Kafka said, “we ought to read only books that bite and sting us.” What’s the last thing you read that bit and stung you, and why?

    Plinky Writing Prompt
    Let's Pretend this Never Happened Cover
    Let’s Pretend this Never Happened

    This is one thing that is difficult to come up with. Over the past 2 years, I have bought almost a dozen new books that I have not finished. I still have “1000 Years of Annoying the French” and my newest purchase “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” by Jenny Lawson on the go. By on the go, I mean that they are in my room with bookmarks marking the page I am on. And by bookmark I mean the sales receipt it came with.

    Although I did finish an e-book the bites. In more ways than one. It was “Dead Sexy Vampire Erotica” by Kim Corum. It is about a woman who is married to a vampire and she hates her life most of the time and can’t stand him or his friends except for the “Erotic” part that makes up for it. It is one of those things that is so bad you can’t stop reading. Much like Patricia Harkins-Bradley’s “The Diamond Club” except worse.

  • 2011 in 12 Sentences

    As the year comes to an end I usually come up with a long post about the year that has been. Plinky suggested only on sentence per month so here goes.

    I went to BC. I learned about caregivers. Learned how to program Macros in Microsoft Excel. Lots of sports and trips to Fredericton. I went to Toronto. Started walking a lot more than ever. Went to Montreal and New York City. I got really, really bored and booked a trip. Went on a last-minute camping trip to 10 European Countries. Got better from travel illness. Started taking it easier and planning more. Started doing new things, like translating WordPress to Canadian English and Operation Red Nose.

  • My first job was a Credit Card Telemarketer

    Question: What industry ushered you into the workforce? Describe your first work experience. How long did you last?

    My first job as was as a credit card telemarketer for $9/hour. It seemed like a good job at first. The training also seemed very decent. Then shortly after things started to change quickly. It was the Easter long weekend coming up, and they were offering overtime for I think it was Good Friday but it was for a different bank, and credit product, with a different script and a much different “terminal” interface.

    Just as an aside, most people called them DOS screens just because it was all keyboard operated and text-based. Some people are just totally wrong, and non-technical.

    Getting back on track, after the weekend ended there was a push on leads for this other bank and since I had done it for a day I was kept on the new campaign and was expected to have results on the leads with out the proper training on the program, just three sheets of paper. To make it worse, just as soon as I was catching on, I got thrown back and forth between the two very different credit card products.

    After 7 weeks, there was a presentation that I wanted to go see at council, it was the operating budget of Saint John Transit. I went to work because I felt I had an obligation to the job, but then I had the worst customer ever, and a very un-supportive supervisor. So I signed out for my first break, left my key card next to the keyboard, and went to council. I never returned.

    From this job, I learned two very important lessons. Sometimes, you have to take the initiative to learn on your own that you need to know to excel at a job. This is something the has been very critical to a few of the jobs I have had. Before I worked as a graphic designer at Johnny’s Coupons I had never used CorelDraw ever. In my current job, everything changes everyday and there is a steep and very broad knowledge involved, not attempting to learn on my own would result in me not getting as far as I have.

    The second lesson was when an opportunity arises jump on it. Taking risks is a necessary skill to advance. This came true again about three and a half years ago. I was asked “Do you want to work on a six-week contingency project?” If I missed that opportunity to say yes, the last few years would be incredibly difficult.

  • I Wish I Were Fluent In French, German, Italian and heck Venician

    I have tried many times to try a new language but it is very difficult unless you can immerse yourself in it for a month or two.

    Despight the fact that learning to speak French much much better would help me find a more decent job, the language I would really love to be able to speak is German. I personally find German one of the most important sounding languages in the world. There is something in the sound of it that makes it feel familure and noble.

    I also love how they construct larger word putting smaller ones together. I would also live to hang out in a platz over a piaza.

    That being said Italian would also be cool and more specifically Venician. Venice is one very amazing place that you can very easily lose yourself in.

  • If I Could Be a Professional Critic

    It is a tough call between food of film critic. But, I think being a food critic would be better. It is amazing how many times you can find something that is the best tasting thing you have ever eaten. Where it is hard to top a movie as great movies are few and far between.

    I do tend to write a lot of movie reviews though.

  • Novel: Untitled


    Currently Untitled

    Roger was having an average day. Roger was sitting at his office desk, pondering whether or not he was truly happy in his life. Roger was moderately financially well off, but was not really where he planned to be. Roger is a thirty year old accountant who has always followed the crowd his entire life. He has never led a crowd, or even showed any signs of initiative.

    Roger was born in a mid-sized city in Atlantic Canada to two wonderful loving parents. His father was a well educated lawyer that was forced to study law by his father who was an extremely well loved politician who Roger has never met due to an unfortunate accident. While christening a navel battleship that was named in honour of him, he tripped, hit his head, and drowned. More amazingly, what the locals talked about was how the ship was since cursed as it sank as soon as it left the dock on its maiden voyage.

    On the other hand Roger’s mother was a Travel Consultant whom was well regarded as she always seemed to know where her clients wanted to go, even before they did.

    As many Canadians do Roger’s parents enjoyed snow birding to the American Florida coast. It was there when Roger was only three years old that he witnessed the event that would be the major event that would change his life forever.

    On a beautiful sunny day while lying on the warm white sandy shores of a beach not far from Orlando his parents were surrounded by these men in uniforms and dragged kicking and screaming into a blue cube van and then the van drove away, while Roger watched helplessly from the water.

    Subsequently, his parents had in their will that if anything should happen to them that custody of Roger should go to Aunt Charlotte. Aunt Charlotte was a very uncaring aunt, who felt that it was not proper to force a child to do anything. There for Roger grew up with out any sense of direction as to what to strive for in his life.

    During his early years Roger was the child that was always last to be chosen for the team. That did not seem to bother Roger as he always found something to do or some where to explore on his own. One amazing thing about him was the he was never afraid to try something no matter how much how difficult it was.

    Always striving that he always had delusions that he was destined for greatness, Roger imagined seemingly impossible feats that he would overcome. That was all a fantasy of what it was to be great.

    After starting school the pressure of always being asked why don’t you have a mother and a father evoked great trauma upon Roger, who was just beginning to comprehend the magnitude of the events that unfolded that winter day in southern Florida?

    Roger’s dilemma resulted in years of therapy to help Roger cope with his loss. Since, became often distracted from normal life, one of the early head doctors incorrectly diagnosed Roger with ADD. That doctor prescribed him Ritalin, to which Roger became very addicted for the remainder of his elementary school life.

  • The Past

    For the years have gone
    All the good times passed
    With lasting impressions
    Rarely to be seen again.

    For the years have gone
    All your friends have moved on
    With lasting impressions
    Rarely to be seen again.

    For the years have gone
    All the songs being sung.
    With lasting impressions
    Rarely to be seen again.

  • When I…

    When I look I see;
    When I see I want;
    When I want I buy;
    When I buy I have.

    When I lose I hurt;
    When I hurt I miss;
    When I miss I cry;
    When I cry I forgive.

    When I seek I find;
    When I find I embrace;
    When I embrace I love;
    When I love I kiss.

  • The Case of the Dead Announcer

    “Detective Fred sat down on the creaky chair. He had just finished his las case. It turned out that the butler was paid to assassinate Mr. Art.

    Fred went to turn the radio on, and the announcer yelled, “It’s 1:03 in the windy city, and your listening to KILL 84.3 FM where the good gigs never…” Then, all of a sudden, Fred heard a gun fire over the radio, and then the thud of a body falling followed by a wicked female laugh and the moans of the dying announcer.

    Fred swiftly jumped out of his chair. And while heading out hr door he grabbed his long tan trench coat and dark grey hat from the coat tree by the door. While going through the main lobby his beautiful blonde receptionist approached him and flickered her sparkling blue eyes, handed Fred his gun followed by a long romantic kiss.

    Detective Fred arrived at the scene of the crime. There was a trail of bloody footprints leading to the door. And the body of the dead announcer was laying on the floor. It appeared as if he was sitting in his chair when he was shot, then fell on the floor, and then the assassin stripped and stole his clothing showing the killer was a truly demented person.

  • Frogy

    Frogy loves to jump.
    In and out of the round pond.
    Frogy is happy.

  • The Cold

    It is very cold
    Truly it is really cold

    I think it is cold
    Sam says it is cold

    Vic knew it used to be cold
    Eric’s hands are blue because of the cold
    Right here it is cold
    Yawning in the cold

    Cold, Cold, Cold
    Old man has twinkling icicles on his rear sitting in the cold outhouse.
    Laughing in the cold
    Darn it! I have a cold

  • Millennium

    Is it going to start in 2000 or 2001?
    Land, sea, and sky will sparkle;
    Lost will be all the electronics.
    Everybody Partying–
    Nobody Suffering
    Next year better than last.
    In the spirit of joyfulness, the millennium arrives.
    Unable to see the 1900’s again.
    Maybe the end of wars will come.

  • Yo-Yo

    The Yo-Yo went down
    Right to the ground
    but didn’t come up
    And then I had to help

    The Yo-Yo went down
    and I gave it a nudge
    and it popped back up
    on its own.

    My life is like a Yo-Yo
    Leaving home;
    Coming back.
    Time after Time.

    My emotions are like a Yo-Yo
    They go down,
    And sometimes they come up,
    And if they don’t, I talk to someone.

    The sun is like a Yo-Yo
    It sets in the west,
    rises in the east;
    over and over again.