It is a beautiful early summer morning on a Maple tree covered cemetery and the lake morning sun streaming partially through the leaves. The winds were calm with just enough movement to make the light twinkle through the leaves. Amongst the tombstones, there is a body lying as motionless and at peace as those in the soil a mere few centimetres below. Then Fred awakens, as he rises the reality of the situation hits him like a cement truck. He is feeling envious that the souls below don’t have to suffer the terrible feeling from the over-exuberance of the night before that he has forgotten.
It was quite obvious that he had been drinking and he was missing pieces of clothing like his left sock, it was nowhere to be found. Fred had woken up hugging a small headstone.
Fred is stunned as he realizes where he is this time as he sees a group of headstones before seeing the with “Fred Useless” engraved. Fred exclaims “Damn… Not again… Damn!”
Fred rises to his feet and staggers holding his head while entering a pathway noticing Phil lying hunched over a tree with a few beer bottles around him.
“Phil? Is that you, man?”, shouted Fred. “Phil, dude, wake up.”
Fred hoping that Phil is still alive; kicks Phil’s leg. (Several times) Phil awakens with some disorientation as he suffers from a nasty hangover, and really pissed off that someone, not just woke him up but made his body suffer blows of unexpected pain by kicking him.
“What a night…” squeaked Phil as he stretched and welcomed the morning light. Phil can barely see Fred standing over him as the sun irritates his eyes. “Oh, hey Fred. How the night treat you?” Phil rises to his feet as Fred pokes fun at Phil’s physical state.
“Apparently, not as good as yours.”, replied Fred
Phil suggests that they go get breakfast and Fred agrees. Phil gets up and starts to walk away with Fred but stops when they hear a voice in the woods.
“Phil!?”, a mysterious long and very sweet sounding voice bellows.
“Oh, Wait one second.”, says Phil. Phil runs back and finds Bekka (Looks perfect) from hiding behind the tree.
“I’m sorry I forgot you.”, apologized Phil.
“It’s ok, but I’m hungry.”, Bekka replied.
“That’s ok sweaty, Fred just stopped by to bring us for breakfast.”, explained Phil.
“You’re the best!”, Bekka replied, followed with a passionate kiss that made Phil really happy.
Fred rolled his eyes and wanted to puke a little bit, and not just from the hangover.
The three of them start waking out of the woods.
“Out drinking alone, eh?”, Fred asks Phil. Since remembering that Phil had blown him off last night that he was going to have a quiet night at home with his bottle of scotch.
“That was the plan…”, says Phil as he looks into Bekka’s eyes and then Phil kisses Bekka as they are all walking out of the woods.
Fred is scratching his head and thinks as aloud, “I think I am forgetting something important?”
Back at the “Fred Useless” headstone, it stands bare as Rita’s head appears
from behind it, her hair is in complete disarray, makeup smeared and clothes loose-fitting and unfashionable.
“Mmm… Fred”, Rita says in confusion. Rita notices the headstone and jumps away startled. “What the hell? Fred!” Rita wonders aimlessly. Hoping desperately that she is not alone, she continues to shout, “Fred! Fred!”
This effort is to be in vain as yes indeed Rita is alone.
(More to come in Part 2)
The preceding is an adaptation of a screenplay for a short film of the same name, portions of this story were enhanced with suggestions from Tony Tompkins. It has been formatted from the original to fit the blog format.
